


Matters of import

by Ex-Genesis (orphan_account)



Category: Disney RPF
Genre: Angst, Incest, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-26
Updated: 2010-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 15:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Ex-Genesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Nick gets sick, Joe kisses him and all Nick wants is the clarification Joe's too scared to give him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Matters of import

His lips weren't warm, which was scary, but they were there and Joe could feel the soft breath sailing out through the crack of Nick's parted lips. He didn't know why he kissed him, knew that if, no - when Nick got better, he'd ask Joe that very question, but it didn't really matter. Cradling his baby brother in his arms like the last remaining shelter amidst a hurricane, Joe only knew the difference between life and death, and that was  _all_  he knew.  
  
The doctor tried to explain everything, but even though Joe was desperate to know and retain everything to keep Nick from ever reaching this point again, his mind was buzzing, and his hands flexed at his sides, itching to pull his little brother into his arms; he couldn't focus. He left the hospital wondering, still, why  _he_  had gone through this, why  _Nick_  of all people had to get so sick he almost died.  
  
Later Nick explained to him that God needed him to have Diabetes. Nick didn't know why, but he was sure of it, and that was all he needed to know. Then he asked Joe why he'd kissed him in the darkness of the car on the way to the hospital. Joe had asked Nick, then, if he could get away with saying Joe needed him to, and if that could be all Nick needed to know. There was a hesitation, but then Nick smiled, laughed, walked out of the room. But the way he didn't look back and shake his head, Joe knew that wasn't going to satisfy him.  
  
It was about a week later when Nick brought it up again. They'd been singing along with the radio, oldies music. Nick had tugged Joe to be level with him by wrapping a strong hand over the back of his brothers' neck. "Hey Joe," Nick said, sounding serious, but Joe could see the smirk in Nick's eyes and his lungs stopped functioning for a moment as he listened very carefully, "I talked to God. He said you could tell me why you kissed me now."  
  
"Oh Nick I..." Joe didn't know. He didn't know what he was going to say, wanted to say. In fact, he was pretty sure that he forgot the entire English language the second he paused. Sighing in frustration, Nick let go of Joe's neck, let Joe spring back up in his seat, and put his elbow to the window, and rested his cheek against his fist, watching the road. "Nick...?" Joe asked softly, tugging at Nick's shirt sleeve, sounding concerned and almost afraid. Some response, even to shrug Joe off would have been better than no response at all, which was exactly what he got.  
  
Dejected, put in his place, Joe placed both his elbows on his knee caps and leaned forward, face buried in his palms. The next show was weird, and there weren't as many people as they had been hoping for. The fans that were there seemed enthusiastic enough, though, and made the show worth it. Still, climbing back in the car seemed like adding salt to a wound. Joe sat by Kevin while Nick and Frankie played Go Fish in the backseat.  
  
The next few hours waiting for a rest stop dad was willing to pull over to had been spent with Joe resisting the urge to climb over the car seat, settle himself onto Nick's lap, facing him, and press a kiss with every answer to every question ever asked all wrapped within it. Joe wasn't sure why it was so important to him, that he kiss Nick; it just seemed like the right thing to do, basically every moment of the day. Sometimes it was more imperative, and other times simply a look at Nick would do.  
  
When they did pull over, everyone tumbled out of the car as quickly as possible. Or at least, Nick tried to, but Joe caught his arm, pulled him into the seat beside him and kissed him quickly, accidentally rough on the lips. "That's why I kissed you that night, okay?" Nick nodded, didn't really understand, but nodded anyway before climbing out of the car, leaving Joe to melt himself into the frame of the car.  
  
After eight minutes of stretching, taking bathroom breaks, and eating through bags of semi-old vending machine snacks, the family took their seats once more. Joe had a moment of hope when Nick made his way back in, but he took his former seat, directly behind Joe. He could have cried, but he didn't, didn't want to, and didn't really know why he would anyway.  
  
An hour and a half passed. Kevin was asleep beside him, and he could hear Frankie's soft and steady breathing too. Carefully, soundlessly, Joe unbuckled his seat belt and turned in his seat, sitting on his knees and face Nick who, up until then had been drifting off himself. "Nicky. I need you to talk to me. I'm sorry, all right? I just thought that it made sense. But I guess it doesn't. If it doesn't make sense to you then I'll stop. I'll learn how to make it stop." It was a quiet, rushed flow of words but he paused when Nick looked down again, not before catching the look of both wonder and complete turmoil mixing together on his face. "Nick. What? What do you want then?"  
  
"If you can just make it go away, then make it go away Joe. I don't need you -" Nick stopped there, let his shoulder droop to the side of the car and closed his eyes tight until he heard Joe shift down and into his seat again, waiting for the small click to tell him that Joe wouldn't be looking at him anymore. He'd had more to say, to finish with.  
  
He didn't need Joe changing his mind halfway through Nick falling in love with him, if a thirteen-year-old could fall in love, or if it didn't happen until later, but he already knew that at some point it would, if it hadn't happened already. If Joe could make it change like that, well then it didn't mean as much as Nick had been hoping for, and he'd been right to give Joe time to think it over again, or wrong, because he'd allowed Joe enough time to realize he could take it back. Nick closed his eyes again and fell asleep.  
  
In front of him, Joe sat rigid and still in his seat. ' _I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you._ ' He wanted that stupid voice in his head to leave him alone, but it hurt too much, and there didn't appear to be a way to remove himself from the reality that he'd fallen into these feelings for Nick that stung and sizzled inside of him. He couldn't just let it go, couldn't change it. Feeling stupid for ever voicing it like he actually had the option, Joe inhaled and exhaled, and repeated the action until he fell asleep, crumpled over, head gently hitting against the bottom of the window.  
  
Mom shook them all awake from the side of the car. They'd arrived at the next place they could room in, shower in, all that good stuff one took for granted at home. It was quiet and awkward going into the room that Joe and Nick would share with Kevin while Frankie slept on the other bed in his parents' room. Before Nick could even consider pulling the extra pillow and blanket off of Joe's bed to lay himself on the floor, Joe pulled him into the bed. "I can't forget," he admitted into the dark, tense with the fact Kevin was just in the bathroom brushing his teeth. "Or make this go away, but Nick, I need you to believe me, that I won't take advantage of you, but I still need you like I always have. Please don't make me try to do this without you, because I can't. I won't do it."  
  
The moment Joe had pulled him into the bed, his muscles had tensed up, he began breathing more heavily, but listened carefully, forcing himself not to pull away, roll off the bed and onto the floor. When Joe spoke, it was almost exactly what Nick had wanted to hear before Joe had started apologizing, blindly apologizing, for something Nick had never even referred to as negative. "You would if you had to," he told Joe simply, relaxing just slightly with Joe's arm around the front of his waist, just barely pinning him to the bed. "Don't say you wouldn't Joseph, because that isn't right. You would do it, but I'm really - I'm really glad you don't want to. I don't want you to either. So, you can - you know... If God tells you to do something, or if he doesn't, you can. I want you to."  
  
Nick giggled a little as he felt a brush of lips against his neck, delayed in the reaction of an in-take of breathe from surprise. He was young, and his nerves were learning how to sense and react to just about everything, but he steadied himself just as easily by turning on his side, rolling his head right into the space between Joe's chin and chest. Arms wrapping around him, Nick kissed lazily at Joe's collarbone before twisting his neck just enough to place a sucking kiss to Joe's neck before he turned his chin into his own chest and they fell asleep just before they heard Kevin snoring in the bed across from them.


End file.
